The second part to helping our children succeed is a much more daunting task! Emotional health is absolutely key to your child's success in life and true wellness. It requires much more of your time and it requires that you are actively doing each of these things in your own life as well as consistently helping them to learn.
The one thing I'm most passionate about when dealing with children is that they need unconditional love from you! That also means that you show them you love them - actions always yell much louder than our words! Both boys and girls need hugs, kisses, (even when they are teenagers or adults), smiles, genuine interest in them, quality time spent with them, and words spoken to them and about them to others, that absolutely reveal that you love them. They know when you don't mean it, and when you put conditions on that love and affection - using it manipulatively - then you are setting them up to be hurting, dysfunctional adults. If they believe you will ever stop loving them based on their actions, mistakes, or anything else, they will fall into despair or harden their hearts into an impenetrable wall.
If you have difficulty loving who your child truly is - faults and all - you need to consider getting help from a Licensed Practicing Counselor or Psychologist. You can work through your own issues so that you can build a loving and lasting, healthy relationship with them.
Here are some basic guidelines to emotionally healthy kids:
1. Love them unconditionally!!
2. Support their interests, goals, activities, or sports - even when they are different than your own! They're not clones of you.
3. Accept that they cannot win every time, at everything. Accept their strengths, weaknesses, and limitations - even those who have mental or physical challenges can excel and exceed expectations! See the inspirational video links at the bottom - sometimes it's not winning that counts, it's exceeding the limitations and expectations to have given their best effort!
4. Allow them to be kids and have fun.
5. Help them to develop as people with self discipline, character, integrity, morals, and values.
6. Don’t do everything for them: teach responsibility and self-management. Each child should engage daily in age appropriate responsibilities and household chores.
7. Reward frequently for success and effort but make the rewards small, simple, practical and personal. Kids don’t need a CD or $20 just for playing a sport or getting good grades.
8. Reward them with what they really love: your time!
9. Love them unconditionally (worth repeating!!)
10. Don’t compare your child’s achievements to other children - good or bad, especially their siblings or other family members. This creates barriers and resentment and we don’t need any more of that.
11. Have your “guilt gland” removed: this will help you avoid phrases like “I’ve got better things to do with my time” or “do you realize how much we give up so that you can ________?” Everyone loses when you play the guilt game.
12. Praise qualities such as effort, attempting new skills and hard work rather than perfection.
And, never ever shame them, put them down, call them names, curse at them, tease them cruelly, ridicule them, or speak negative words over them! Whatever you say about them, or truly believe about them, will always be prophetic - it will always be true. Choose wisely what you believe, and most importantly say about them and to them; you will get what you speak. And remember, verbal abuse is as bad as physical abuse. Sometimes those scars never heal!
This is a tough job, raising our kids to be happy, healthy, normal, successful adults! But you can do it! And the rewards are worth it! We all make mistakes in parenting, just be wise enough to seek help when you need it. Check the Parenting section here for some great suggestions on books! I wish I'd had a few of these when mine were still young, but with a teenager still at home, I still need help - with lots of issues!
Also, here's a great article from Staci Lorenzo Suits, School Psychologist in Florida: Encouraging Your Child’s Emotional Health Read it for more detailed, great information!
To happy, healthy kids (our future!),
Majetta
For more inspiration, check these out!
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